Letting the Past Stay in the Past

So, I've known my wife for over 28 years now.  We'll be celebrating our 25th anniversary next year (2019).

After we had been dating for a year and a half, my girlfriend broke up with me.  She was very emotional and told me that I was not really committed to her.  Saying that I never made efforts to try and be part of her life and her family.  Especially pointing out that I never spent time with her father.

I admit that, at the time, her father intimidated the hell out of me.  She really loved and admired him and wanted me to hang out more with her and him more.  I did so when I could, but it apparently was not enough.  So she told me that she was breaking up with me and needed time and space to think.  I gave her what she asked with much sadness. 

Two weeks went by.  Three weeks. I called and left a message with her, with no results.  5 weeks went by.  By that time I had determined that that space she asked for was now an official break up. 

We were obviously done.  I was heart broken.  I met her after a huge terrible break up from another long-term relationship.  And now here I was again.  Single.  Sad. 

2 weeks later, I get a call from her.  She says she wants to talk over some things with me.  We planned to meet at a restaurant.  I didn't know what to think.  Were we getting back together?  Finallizing the break up?  She wouldn't let me know until we were together.

"I'm pregnant" she said.  She told me that she was suddenly incredibly emotional and everything made her upset.  Which included, apparently, me not wanting to spend copious amounts of time with her dad (again, out of intimidation).  She said she was using the break up to scare me into realizing my mistake.  But emotions stretched that time into a couple months. 

We got back together.  I told her that she should just talk to me in the future, instead of breaking up. 

Doctor, Who?

I've had three types of Healthcare Professionals in my life; 
Negative reinforcement
Positive reinforcement
No reinforcement.

Those who were negative reinforcement basically told me that I either take this pill or do this thing or I will die. While I understand their motivation, negative reinforcement has never really served me well. As a matter of fact, it's one of the reasons why I have PTSD today. From that first Doctor who diagnosed my wolff-parkinson-white cell that basically told me I had the heart of a 40 year old and would not live very long. But I'm not sure if that was because he either was trying to give me some negative reinforcement, or just didn't care. The ramifications of those words to me when I was 19 affected my entire life.

Those who gave me positive reinforcement seem to help me the most. They're the doctors who said you know if you take this pill or do this thing you may actually start feeling better and that's our goal. They also we're the ones who gave me long-term goals to meet and hopefully succeed. Those who said that if you lose the weight and keep doing what you're doing and taking the meds, we should see some positive results. These are the ones that work best for me.

And then there's no reinforcement. These are the Health Care Professionals you go to and just kind of do their own thing. They're the ones that, through their actions, seem like they really just don't care. Or maybe they do care, but they just have so many people they have to see they basically just want to make sure you're still breathing and move on. And that might not be exactly true but that's how it's reflected on their service and the little time that we spend with them.

So whether you're getting negative, positive, or no reinforcement, you should take all their advice with an open mind and a grain of salt. Maybe negative reinforcement works for somebody, just not for me. And maybe sometimes positive reinforcement isn't that effective for those that need stronger motivation. The problem is that the doctors and nurses and care providers can't know exactly what kind of attention to give to who. Every doctor has their own method. If it works for you, stay with them. If not, move on.

So what works for you?
"Hey if you don't take this pill you're going to die?" 
"Hey if you take this pill it should really make you start feeling better and if it doesn't will find something that will work for you?"
Or
"Hey how are you doing? Still alive? We're going to give you these pills let us know if there's any problems?"

Just got to get out there and find what gets you better.

The reason I wake up...

After posting that last blog post explaining all the health issues I have to fight through daily, I felt compelled to post pictures of what gets me up in the morning.

My lovely wife...

Catching up

So I haven't posted anything in a long time. Let's play a little catch-up.

For the last few years I've been battling some physical problems. I have been still doing some of my hobbies, but haven't had a lot of time or energy to be able to keep up with all of them.

However I have been working on a first order Stormtrooper costume for my son. I've already pepakura'd the whole thing, all I need to do now is to start the hardening process. I'll post pictures of it and my progress as it progresses.

Having the physical problems I have does make it really hard to do some of the stuff I'd like to do. It doesn't help that I really don't have a place to work on this stuff; like a workshop or anything like that. So I do what I can out on the back porch of our apartment. Hopefully, I may get access to a workshop or garage somewhere to be able to build some of the other projects that I want to do. But until then I'm just going to keep on whittling away at each project.

Thanks for checking in. More soon.