When I was diagnosed with Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome by the "specialist" at the university hospital, I was told by him that they couldn't fix it and that it was "a very real possibility" that an episode of tachycardia could kill me. I mean, telling this to a kid (young man) who was experiencing 2-3 'flip-flops' (my word for tachycardia) a day! I was only 17-years-old and this "expert" was basically telling me to get ready to die!
I was shocked and confused. One moment, my life was stretched out in front of me, then suddenly it wasn't so clear. He even told me that I had the heart of a 30 to 40-year-old. Which shocked me even more. I was in my late teens, with an old-man's heart, and I could drop dead at any moment. "Got it! Thanks Doc!"
I was told by my local doctor that it was possible that I could go into cardiac arrest from it, but that I shouldn't dwell on it; that I could live a long, happy life. Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome had only been a thing (diagnosable) for a few years, at that time. But, again, the specialist was an expert in his field ... a bit of a tactless and unfeeling man ... but he was "the guy" to go to.
A month after getting home from the university hospital, I was trying to get back to normalcy. But that wasn't going to happen. I played like everything was okay. Smiled at mom, flirted with my girlfriend, and planned stuff with friends. However, I couldn't help grabbing my chest and holding my breath every time I had one of my 'flip-flops'. Time stood still. I prayed and asked God for help and forgiveness every time. Because I couldn't know if this was the last chance I would have to say anything. This went on several times a day, everyday.
By the end of the first month I was exhausted from lack of sleep, shaky, and mostly kept to myself. For two more weeks I was in and out of the doctors office trying to adjust my medication to help ease the bouts of persistent palpitations.
One night about 7-8 weeks in, I was sitting in the family room, staring out the sliding glass door into the street. It was evening and just getting dark out. I felt my heart flutter and then pound. I panicked! I suddenly had this metal taste in my mouth, and I got light-headed and dizzy. I don't remember making any noise or saying anything, but my mom heard me and came out and sat with me. By then I was lying on my side and crying. I would learn later that I was having my first real full-throttled Panic Attack!
Mom tried to calm me down but I was beyond consolation. I kept muttering "I don't wanna die! I don't wanna die! I don't wanna die!" over and over. And my mother ... who helped raise her brother and sister, who buried a son, who put herself through nursing school against my father's wishes, who had been a nurse for many years, who ALWAYS had an answer for me ... was stumped at what to do for me. I went to the emergency room that night. They kept me for a couple days and sent me home with a new medication. Mood pills! It didn't help much though. That was when I started having chronic panic attacks and anxiety disorders. It wasn't until few years ago that I found a med that helps with them.
Panic Attacks happen when your stress levels stay high and then flare up periodically or when triggered. I would have them whenever my heart acted funny, which was like 10-12 times a week on average. And it isn't just a simple anxious feeling. Panic Attacks are debilitating. In most cases of Panic Attack, a person gets their stress level to peak, then their heart races and they get an overwhelming feeling of something being terribly wrong and/or the feeling that they are going to die. In the end, it's mostly an emotional trigger with physical consequences.
However, my trigger was always physical; tachycardia and palpitations. First, my heart flips out. Then, I stress out about dying. Then, I get a Panic Attack. Which makes my heart race and flip. Then, I stress out that I am dying. Then, ... well you get the picture. Breaking that cycle when it starts is NOT easy. I'd be lying to you if I said that I am free of panic attacks, but they are much, much less frequent. I will always have them to look out for, since I will always have WPW to catch my attention with daily flip-flopping. The biggest breakthrough I had that helped me to greatly reduce the frequency of Panic Attacks was a bit of very late information.
About a year ago, I mentioned to my current heart doctor what the specialist told me years ago when I was diagnosed. He looked at me with surprise and told me that, yes, it was true that WPW is a bit more serious for kids and teens, but that I had lived with it for years and that it was "very unlikely" that I would suffer a life-threatening complication from my "flip-flopping" heart.
I was surprised and furious! All these years of fearing my own heart and no one could have told me that!? I never thought to ask because I thought I had the facts. I was sure that someone would have told me if they learned something new about it. But the university doctor was the specialist, so he must know what's what.
My new heart doctor pointed out that back when I was diagnosed, Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome was still very new and not much was known then. Also there wasn't any real "specialists" for it anywhere. He thought it was strange that the university doctor would paint such a bleak picture of my future instead of admitting that "no one really knows everything about this abnormality, just be cautious and keep up with your regular doctor." That's all! At least there would have been a brighter future in it, if that had been said to me instead of "you're likely to drop dead any second!" I could have been spared a couple decades of heart-ache, pun intended.
So that's my story on my issues with Panic Attacks and Anxiety Disorder. So with that, my Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome and my arthritic ankles, knees, back and neck ... Tell me again why my super-awesome wife sticks around? I guess if I can still kill spiders and reach the top shelf, I'm good.
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